Every single day, I have about 150 students walk through my door. A majority of them are great kids. Sure, I would like many of them to try a little (or a lot) harder in school, but they are respectful and (mostly) well-behaved. I know that the time will come when they wake up and everything clicks. Once that happens, they will be successful in their endeavors. I have a smaller number of kids who are absolutely brilliant, work hard, volunteer, and pretty much impress the socks off of you on a daily basis. These kids have nothing but possibilities ahead of them. Lastly, I have an even smaller group of kids who have no ambition, no respect for anyone (including themselves), and walk around full of a strange mix of anger and apathy.
I look at the first two groups, and while I hope my children fall somewhere in the second group, I would be okay with the first group. For me, it isn't really about grades when I find myself daydreaming about who my kids will be as high school students. I want my kids to be hard workers. I want them to respect their teachers and peers. I want them to display a sense of pride in themselves and their school. I want to be able to walk into a parent/teacher conference and have the teacher say, "I really enjoy having your child in class," and have them mean it.
When I look at my children now, I can't help but believe that all of this will come true. They are sweet, caring kids with a natural curiosity about the world around them. They love to learn and interact. We've taught them to be "bucket-fillers", not "bucket-dippers", and they take it very seriously (If you don't know what any of that means, Google it). However, this reassuring feeling leaves me very quickly when I realize that the third group, the group I don't even want to think about having my kids be a part of, probably started out sweet and innocent also.
Somehow, those kids started out as happy, curious little children and have ended up angry and rebellious. I find myself wondering how it happened. What went wrong for these kids? Was it a single moment or event? If so, will I recognize that moment in the lives of my own children? Will I know that I am dealing with a make-or-break situation and bust out my Daddy A-Game? I would love to be able to help my students who have lost their way find the joy I know they must have had as children in something more productive than the things that I'm sure make them happy now, but I worry that the only thing I can do is not make it worse and dedicate myself to making sure any kid who walks into my room knows that I have the same dreams for them as I do for my own kids while making sure that I don't forget to take the time to let my own kids know how much I believe in them too.
This is an excellent post, sir. It speaks volumes of your personal character, and how lucky we are to have a teacher like you here at PCHS.
ReplyDeleteI do not have children of my own, yet, but am eagerly waiting for that day. It will be soon.
That third group that you mentioned, I've got a real soft spot for them. I don't know if it's because I've got a lot of friends that they remind me of, or what, but I really care about that group. I'd be curious to see what happened to them, too. Who's let them down? What happened to that innocent child? Is it too late for them to get it back?
You have managed to ask that question that I am sure all parents ask in some form. I am by no means an expert, for my fatherhood experiment is far from over. I like to think that the battle for our kid's hearts starts within our own. We have to remind ourselves that they are the reason we do what we do. We have to be comfortable enough with who we are to allow are kids' needs to come first. We have to be able to distinguish being a parent from being a buddy. Know when the battle is important enough to fight for our kids even when they are fighting against us. The same is true for teachers. We have to know how to push and challenge our students to grow. In order for them to trust us enough to do that, they must know we care for them in more than a superficial way. So many of our students come from situations that are less than ideal and it is our job, and the toughest part of it, to show them how to accommodate for their situations and push themselves to find their passions and reach their potential. Sometimes it is the kid in our classroom that makes very little in the way of educational achievement that actually has the biggest takeaway from their experience with us in that they found they were worthy of our time and our caring. That is impossible to measure and sometimes takes years to come to fruition. Keep showing them that you want them to achieve and that you believe in who they are.
ReplyDeleteNice blog Mr. Ogle.
I love this post.
ReplyDeleteAnd as a parent of grown children, let me tell you that those worries, dreams, and concerns never end.
I'm with Mr. T - the 3rd group has my heart.
I am a nurse and for many years I was a CNA. I found myself leaning towards the mentally ill or emotionally disturbed in the homes in which I worked. I had a heart for their stories, trials and tribulations of life, that many, in fact, caused their emotional grief or anger issues and even as far as mental illness beyond return. Everywhere you turn there are the people who LOVE their jobs and HATE their jobs and you, sir, are a man of character and amazing LOVE and passion for your students. This, I am sure, resonates in your home life and care for your two small children. But the first step in taking care of both is realzing that there are, in fact, the "three" groups (sometimes more), and knowing how to minister to each group to get through to each one in their own special way. There is no cookie cutter solution to these problems and due to the economy and general ways of the people of the world, the third group is only going to grow in population but it is at school, an "out" for some kids, that they can be enriched and feel respected and even loved, to be the BEST they can be. And it is you who has the talent to do so. It is you and every other tired, underpaid, over worked, and unappreciated teacher that can bring life to these kids that so much need while still enouraging the kids who may not or not as much of it. What a joy to have you in the school system and keep up the good work, both at home and at work. With an attitude like that, I can only imagine your children being the most amazing children out there!
ReplyDeletewow...it almost sounds like you are describing MY children. You hit a lot of great points here. Because we are teachers of high school students we often try to imagine our own children being there. I often look at students and wonder to myself, 'will my daughter be like her?' or 'will my son be like that crazy kid?'
ReplyDeleteAs with our role in teaching, we just have to continue to give our children the tools to be productive in the world.
This post really hits home to me, being that I am a father of a 2nd grader, kindergartener, and infant twins.
Hang in there!!
Nathan,
ReplyDeleteI went through and am going through the same thing. The best thing you can do for them is be there as much as possible when they need you. When I was coaching and teaching it was tough but I made my family a promise that I would be home as much as possible in the off season.
As for your children's outcome. Try not to over manage their education. I let my wife handle school issues as I have a tendency to be super critical of other teachers. Duh!
Lastly, be democratic. When your kids are old enough, discuss things with them and let them have input to the decisions that affect them. They will feel and know you care.
About getting school work done at home...Good Luck! It's a constant battle and balancing act. I try to grade and post work at the end or beginning of a school day and that minimizes the workload at home.
I look forward to your tweets.
i really enjoyed reading your article.I have 3 boys (all under the age of 7) and its nice to read that we're not the only one wondering the same thoughts.
ReplyDeleteBecoming a mother also gave me a different perspective as a teacher. I realized that each child was somebody's baby, like mine, and that I needed to treat each person's baby the way I hoped someone would treat mine one day. I also hoped that at home, my students each had parents who loved them as much as my husband and I loved ours. Sadly, I realized many didn't. But, that meant I needed to be present for those students and advocate for them even more. Granted, being a mother and a teacher has had its challenges, particularly time wise, but I think I've been a better teacher because I've experienced motherhood. Perhaps I've also been a better mother because of what my students have taught me.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder the same thing Mr. Ogle. I hope as a parent I am able to raise happy, productive children who are able to find the relevance in what they do at school, and I also hope I recognize if they become like the students we see everyday who have become apathetic to schooling and life.
ReplyDeleteI take it as a compliment when my students tell me that they pity my children because I take that to mean that I am doing a good job in the classroom. In a way, I do feel sorry for my children because they will have their parents in their schools for their entire academic careers, and I hope that gives me a leg up on others who are not so lucky. However, I also hope that I recognize my children's short comings, because they will not be perfect, and allow their teachers the professionalism and leeway to make choices for my children that I may not be able to make for them as their parent. I, too, want my children to work to their potential, and I want to do whatever it takes to get them there. I just hope I recognize when they are not and blame no one but me when they fail.
I want to thank everyone who has posted on this entry for your advice, but more than anything for just letting me know I'm not the only person who struggles with this. I think teaching may be one of the harder professions to have as a parent. I'm sure being a doctor, police officer, social worker, or anything else that puts you in a position to see children in less than perfect circumstances would also be difficult.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, on the day I posted this, my wife and I were sent a letter from my daughter's preschool informing us that she has been getting in trouble lately for not reacting well when her friends do not do what she wants them to do. I guess it is time for my Daddy A-Game.
Also, in the interest of full-disclosure. I'm fairly sure that OB Nurse is my wife.
Having been there and done that myself I second Pam's statement that the concerns don't end when they grow up. You got a lot of good advice, but i think the kids learn the most by watching you. What you say they will remember for a while, but what you do will make an impression that never goes away. Keep modeling the good, caring, responsible adult and they'll turn out just like their dad and mom most of the time. in your cases that would be a pretty good outcome.
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher you are a parent when the kids parents are not around. You are the most influential person in their life besides their parents. I wish your organizationand teaching skills were better and it scares me to send my child to you to teach him. Maybe a different career move would be easier.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that your student has had a bad experience in my class, and I would welcome specific examples of ways in which I have failed to teach him properly. I am always interested in getting feedback that will allow me to become a better educator, but anonymous comments on my blog don't give me much to work with. If you would like, I am available to meet with parents in person or over the phone to discuss concerns. I can be reached through the office at 466-1175. I look forward to hearing from you.
This is a great blog Mr.O! Kids are different because of experiences they face in their lives. For me, there was a lot that I have went through that has changed me, and even opened up my eyes, to make me a better person. There are also things that I had to get away from to help me do better at everything I do, especially school.
ReplyDelete-Nikki McMullen
It would be an injustice to children to change careers, Mr.Ogle. If more parents would actually be parents and not expect teachers to be parents, then maybe the world would be a different place and the children in it as well. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteReading your blog and the comments turned on my mommy emotions and almost brought tears to my eyes. Had I not been reading this while students were around, I probably would've cried. Our children are about the same age, and you have voiced so many of my hopes and fears as a parent and a teacher. You have such good insight into teaching and life. I always look forward to reading your blogs. Proud to be teaching with you here at PCHS!
ReplyDeleteHey Mr. Ogle! Well I have had some of the same problems but not in the same way…I have chose to babysitt five kids 5-7 days a week. So I have been leaning away from everything else. I have chose my work over my family and has effected my grade point avg. too. So just hang in there and we the summer comes make it up to them and do something special with them! :) Hope you have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteThis post made me think. I wonder why it is us kids act the way we do. Is it maybe because some kids didn't have a good childhood? I don't understand, but I'm trying. I'm guessing we rebel because we just can't take the pressure, causing us to give up on our goals, and furthermore ourselves. I'm guessing that is why we do what we do. Hopefully you change those you can, and your children grow up to be who you want them to. (:
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me stop and think.
That was a really good blog Mr. Ogle. I think every person wants that for there kids. Not just you, my mom wanted that for my older sister and so did I and my father, she turned out all right but she's 16 and has a kid. So it's very stressful. I love to read your blogs :)
ReplyDelete-Maddie.
5th hrr!
-Tyler Tingley
ReplyDeleteMr. Ogle, i know how that must feel to be a teacher let alone one with being a father. I sertainly would rather be a student than a teacher!
ReplyDelete